Monday, April 27, 2009

A Beat Yourself Up Monday!

**Update** Have you ever vented and then realized the spiritual truth after "marinating" on what you said/wrote.... Wow, my focus is so self-centered and my "strength" is birthed from SELF-reliance instead of reliance on the Lord. Yes, we've all had THOSE days, but who was I trying to please? Myself? Those around me?(Mainly my own unrealistic expectations.) Did I even once on Monday stop and ask the Lord, "What do YOU want me to do next?" Nope. What a shame. Often I don't even begin in the right place as I face the day. Oh, I'll have my devotions and then set my "spiritual stuff" aside and face the physical tasks that await, BUT I have a LONG WAY to go on abiding in Christ-leaning on Him through each moment of the day. I STRIVE so hard to DO instead of, in a moment of uncertainty, need, confusion, fear or whatever the stop (even if just mentally and not physically) and just ask for the guidance or clarity or whatever it is that HE knows I need. Yep, practicing the presence of the Lord in my life moment by moment...that's what I need most of all. Colossians 1:17 states it succinctly, "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." ALL THINGS...

I thought I'd double post today. Hope you don't mind. :)

All day today I've been mentally beating myself up because I just couldn't get accomplished all I had set out to do. Of course, the list was a mile long and would actually take me a week + to finish it, but my mind was shoving that little reality tidbit into the abyss of self-loathing. (Don't worry, I don't plan to be this depressing much longer.) It was like running in quick-sand. The more I would move the more I seemed to be drowning in the "to do's" of the day. We've all had days like first choice - put on my "stack list" a book about life management. I know it's a good book; I've already read it a few times. Ha!

Anyway, I fussed, fumed, did a little yelling at innocent bystanders, almost had a good cry (that might have been more productive) and then ate. None of which seemed to rescue me from drowning, duh! In the few moments I had driving tonight, I realized that I was beating myself up for having given my time and energy away to a host of other people last week. Something I thoroughly enjoyed and wouldn't have changed. I cooked, entertained and chauffeured, but, no, I didn't iron, launder, clean, pay bills, plan the school week, buy groceries for this week or even purchase the items I needed for tonight's meeting in a timely fashion. I missed friend's birthdays - sorry, friends, if you are reading this - but I spent quality time with my sister-in-law who very soon will be moving literally half way around the world. I made the best choice last week and so this week I WILL NOT beat myself up for "being behind." Those daily/weekly chores will always be there, but the times to nurture our relationships may not.

So...when you are "behind" on things take a look around at the people you love and ask yourself, "Do they know by how I've spent my time that they mean the world to me?" Then just plug away at that endless list and someday...someday you will see light at the end of the tunnel.

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