In the past 18 months I have posted only 10 times. It has been a difficult 18 months, some of the hardest of my life. I've felt defeated, discouraged, ready to give up and certainly not in any mood to write about it. I've often thought of taking down my blog, but I could never quite do it. I hoped there would be brighter days ahead that I could share with whoever was willing to listen. In the last 18 months I've faced scary health challenges, a terminal diagnosis for a parent, a child running away from the Lord, a move to another state, my mother-in-law moving in with us, the loss of work for both my husband and I, months of unemployment and unexpected deaths of extended family members. It's been hard. I was so ready to put 2015 to rest last night. Good riddance! Hasta la vista! It's silly how much joy I get out of saying good-bye to 2015!
I have a hope and that is why I look forward. That is why I don't want to give up writing. I have a future that's prepared for me and I want to walk through it with my eyes on the Lord. He has never left me alone. He's carried me, walked with me, propped me up, given me strength, taught me, guided me, quieted me, sat with me, held me. He is my everything. I have never known it more than I do today. I may be stripped of everything, but He will never leave me and that is enough. Truly.
Many of the circumstances mentioned above haven't changed. Life is still hard, but I have a hope. I place my trust in the One who is trustworthy. I have no idea what 2016 will bring. Will it be filled with even more faith-stretching challenges? Will it bring a respite? Who knows? Who cares, really. It's not about the circumstances; it's all about His story. I'm just a part of it and I want to reflect Him well.
During some of my darkest days this year, a pastor spoke on Psalm 77:19, "Your way went through the sea and Your path through the great waters, but Your footprints were unseen." When you are in the middle of God's will with your back against the wall, God is still with you, but His path may be unknown. He will provide for you today; be quiet and see what He will do. (Ex. 14:13-14) Your message, despite any circumstances, should always be "God is good and I still love Jesus" no matter how it turns out. Why? Because it's true. No sacrifice on my part compares to what the Lord has sacrificed for me.
While listening to the reading of the Christmas story in Luke 1, I sensed the Holy Spirit say to me about verse 37, "For nothing will be impossible with God," "this is what you are to focus on in 2016." Nothing is impossible. I then wanted to respond like Mary did in verse 38, "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word."
The most discouraging part of the last 18 months was how often my faith wavered, how many times I wondered if God was going to come through. What I've learned most is that He is not in the business of fulfilling my expectations, but in fulfilling His own. Faith is not about getting what you want; it's about trusting the Giver of all good things.
So I leave you with what I hope to be the first of many blog posts of 2016. Trust Him. He is faithful and He can do the impossible.
Happy New Year!
1 comment:
I will try this again. For whatever reason, it posted twice. Thank you for this post; I needed to hear all of it. 2015 has been difficult and painful for me and for so many I know. I have never been so ready to flip the calendar to a new year. Thank you for the"refocus."
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