Father Tim's favorite quotes & mine too!

I love the Mitford series by Jan Karon. Her characters come to life and she makes me want to live a slower paced life in the mountains of North Carolina. If you have not read any of her books, please, go to the library asap and pick up At Home in Mitford, her first book in the series. You'll be glad you did.

After reading through the series, I wondered if I would enjoy the two books of Father Tim's quotes. The first of the two, Patches of Godlight, is so good...a collection of thoughtful quotes is always inspiring. For years I have kept my own small quote book, but after reading through some of Father Tim's quotes I may have to purchase a larger journal to hold all the ones I want to add to my own. Here are a few of my favorite:

We - or at least I - shall not be able to adore God on the highest occasions if we have learned no habit of doing so on the lowest. At best, our faith and reason will tell us that He is adorable, but we shall not have found Him so, not have "tasted and seen." Any patch of sunlight in a wood will show you something about the sun which you could never get from reading books on astronomy. These pure and spontaneous pleasures are "patches of godlight" in the woods of experience."
-C. S. Lewis, Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer

If you read history you will find that Christians who did most for the present world were those who thought most of the next. The apostles themselves, who set out on foot to convert the Roman Empire, the great men who built up the Middle Ages, the English evangelicals who abolished the slave trade, all left their mark on earth, precisely because their minds were occupied with Heaven. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this one. Aim at Heaven and you will get earth "thrown in." Aim at earth and you will get neither. - C. S. Lewis

None can love freedom heartily but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license.
- Milton

Ring the bells that still can ring,
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in.
- Leonard Cohen

The main thing about Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the atmosphere produced by that relationship. That is all God asks us to look after, and it is the one thing that is being continually assailed.
-Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost for His Highest"

The Bible without the Holy Spirit is a sundial by moonlight.
-Dwight L. Moody, 1937-1899

I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller

Let the Stable Still Astonish

Let the stable still astonish:
Straw-dirt floor, dull eyes,
Dusty flanks of donkeys, oxen;
Crumbling, crooked walls;
No bed to carry that pain,
And then, the child,
Rag-wrapped, laid to cry In a trough.
Who would have chosen this?
Who would have said: "Yes, Let the God of all the heavens and earth
Be born here, in this place"?
Who but the same God
Who stands in the darker, fouler rooms
of our hearts
and says, "Yes,
let the God of Heaven and Earth be born here -
in this place."
-Leslie Leyland Fields

Keep a clear eye toward life's end. Do not forget your purpose and destiny as God's creature. What you are in His sight is what you are and nothing more. Remember that when you leave this earth, you can take nothing that you have received...but only have you have given; a full heart enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice and courage.
-Francis of Assisi "Letters to Rulers of People"

Never has the world had a greater need for love than in our day. People are hungry for love. We don't have time to stop and smile at each other. We are all in such a hurry! Pray. Ask for the necessary grace. Pray to be able to understand how much Jesus loved us, that you can love others. - Mother Teresa

Cultivate my heart, Lord, so I may catch every word that falls from heaven - every syllable of encouragement, every sentence of rebuke, every paragraph of instruction, every page of warning. Help me to catch these words as the soft, fertile soil catches seeds. - Ken Gire

Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are, to some extent, a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it, piece by piece - by thought, choice, courage and determination. - H. Jackson Browne

There are three stages in the work of God: impossible, difficult, done. - James Hudson Taylor, English Missionary

Performance Review Complete!

Writing this post is my reward for getting my performance review for work completed! Let's do a little happy dance together!

I have not been employed for over 10 years and I've never had to fill out a performance review. When I saw the emails circulating at work re: the reviews I thought I would have to fill out a 90 day questionnaire and not have to fill out the ominous review. On Tuesday my supervisor let me know that I had been hired two weeks earlier than the 90 day deadline and that I did indeed have to fill out the review. I cried...really. Not on the phone with her. I waited until I got in the car and called my husband. BTW, rush hour and crying to your husband don't mix well. I didn't get in any accidents, but I probably didn't make any friends on the road either.

I then got to my parent's house to pick up my girls and proceeded to cry to my Mom...then a few minutes later to my Dad. After three good cries I was ready to drive home dry-eyed. :)

For four days I have been dreading that document. I have so many responsibilities over the next four days and I just felt overwhelmed. Mark suggested writing the review and trying to get it done today so Saturday I could focus, stress-free, on the other things I had to do. I left the girls with Mark and took Rhett to piano at 1:30pm. I sat in the car for a half hour and made some headway on my writing. By the time Rhett came out of his lesson I felt empowered and ready to conquer. We ran a few errands and then came home.

When I walked in the door Mark asked how it had gone and I said, "Good. The complete silence really let me think and I got a lot done." We then discussed whether I could go to a coffee shop or the library to write some more. I said they would be too distracting. Mark suggested going back out and sitting in the car...in our parking space right in front of our townhouse. I thought that was a great AND crazy idea, grabbed my water and a candy bar (consolation) and went and sat in my car until 6:40pm, when I was finally done with the whole thing! Yay!

I then came in, watched the Food Network while Mark heated up leftovers (gotta love that guy!) and we ate dinner. After dinner I typed and edited and NOW I'm finally done. It's all been sent off to my manager and I don't have to give it any more thought!

I will sleep good tonight!

Missed Me?

Have you missed me? I know I've missed sharing with you!

So much has been happening these past few weeks. I wish I could sit with you for an hour and chat, but it is very late and my body needs rest.

The Lord is teaching me to walk moment by moment - with doctors, teenagers, co-workers, volunteers, friends, and especially with Him. I cry for "help" a few times every day! That's where He wants us, you know.

I will never get it all "right," but I am enjoying His sweet fellowship and I'm blessed by how creative He uses a willing vessel. I'm learning to walk straight into fear and to not let it grip me. We're working on the "don't be afraid" part. :)

My little girls are counting down the days until we go on vacation for a week in the mountains. I can honestly say, I've never anticipated a vacation as much as I do this year. I am looking forward to the respite. I hope to get some quiet time to reflect on what the Father has taught me in the past few months and to think about how I can learn to hear His voice and follow in greater obedience.

Life is overflowing and full with homeschooling, family, work, American Heritage girls, health, and my co-op choirs. I am being stretched beyond what I imagined. In some ways it's invigorating; in other ways exhausting. I am somehow enjoying the growth and finding that I can rest in Him amidst the moments of utter chaos.

Your prayers are always welcome. I pray for many of you who read my blog.

Just wanted to let you know I was still alive and kickin! I'll try to be back soon to share in greater detail. Thanks for sticking with me!

Listening

Cultivate my heart, Lord, so I may catch every word that falls from heaven - every syllable of encouragement, every sentence of rebuke, every paragraph of instruction, every page of warning. Help me to catch these words as the soft, fertile soil catches seeds. - Ken Gire

California Fires

Yesterday I received this picture from my mother-in-law.

She wrote:

Hi everyone, We are in Lancaster this week for the Orientation week at the college. The sky is darkened with the smoke from the fires burning in the Los Angeles mtns. Please pray for the safety of those threatened by the fires & the fire fighters. Please pray for students traveling this weekend & the next day or two to begin college here also. Please pray for all of the the staff & those of us who are part-timers who are here this week to help with the whole orientation process. A good number of students have arrived already, and there is a spirit of anticipation as they look forward to beginning their college studies. The services were great all day today.

Can you imagine sending your child off to school or starting classes with the sky looking so ominous? When I saw this picture I thought the Lord could really use these events ( the fires) for spiritual change in someone's life. Will you join me in praying for that? Of course, I ask that you pray for the safety of those affected by the fires too. As soon as I hear an update, I'll let you know. Thanks, everyone!

I'm radioactive!

I had a nuclear stress test done this morning and the results came back normal. That means my cardiac event was not triggered by blockages in my arteries.

It was a pretty uneventful morning, although I was in a foul mood on our way to the appointment, apparently from stress. Three and a half hours later, with an all-clear diagnosis, I was a much happier lady.

Here's a description of the test that was performed today:

A nuclear stress test measures blood flow to your heart muscle at rest and during stress. It is performed similar to a routine exercise stress test but provides images in addition to electrocardiograms.

During a nuclear stress test, a radioactive substance is injected into your bloodstream. This substance mixes with your blood and travels to your heart. A special scanner — which detects the radioactive material in your heart — creates images of your heart muscle. Inadequate blood flow to any part of your heart will show up as a light spot on the images — because not as much of the radioactive substance is getting there.

So, I'm radioactive! I was asked a couple of times if I would be flying on an airplane in the next month. I guess I would light up the scanners while passing through security. Although that sounds like fun, I think I'll pass.

I still have a follow-up with my Cardiologist near the end of September where we can review everything, so far it's all looking good. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, everyone.

An Eye for Art

We all think we have talented kids; it's the nature of parenting...somebody's got to see the best in us, right!

My 16-year-old son has been taking Art classes with the same teacher since 6th grade, when she let him into her High School Art Class. We thought he had some real talent, and he does, but one of his younger sister's drawing talent is shining a little more brightly these days. This same teacher is now admitting Katie into her 3rd through 6th grade class even though she is only 7-years-old and going into 2nd grade. On top of that, the teacher said to us, "I hope she won't be too bored. She may draw better than any of my students in the class." High praise!

Katie has a great eye for proportion and detail and in the coming months I'll try to scan some of her artwork and "give you a show." Knowing that she has a propensity for art I gave her my camera to catch a picture of a butterfly on a butterfly bush. She hung on to my camera long enough to get three pictures which I didn't see until unloading my memory card today. These pics are untouched - just as she took them. She knows nothing about light, focus or anything camera related and yet, I think you'll see that she has an eye for Art. If you don't see, don't tell me...I'm in parenting shangri-la.

butterfly in a bush

spider(s?) on a glass wall

juxtaposition of an outdoor stairwell

ER Musings

In trying to come up with a clever title for my recent hospital stay, I thought about how much I miss ER the TV show. I watched the show years ago when Dr. Ross and Dr. Greene were the hottest things on TV, then I dropped the fixation for most of ER's run, but this past year, knowing it was the 15th and final season, I decided to give it another try. I cried every Thursday night and awaited the next week to see what would happen to the ongoing story lines with the added bonus of getting to see all the actors who had been on the show reappear for their final farewells. It was a good year and I was satisfied when it ended - always a nice feeling.

Little did I know I would be experiencing the reality of the ER this year. On Wed., the 19th, I awoke with moderate chest pain. I went downstairs to my desk to have devotions, but the pain did not decrease or go away and an hour later I got up to take some ibuprofen. (yes, I know, I should have had aspirin on hand...many have reminded me.) Within 20 min. of taking the medication I was becoming more uncomfortable - my left armpit felt like it was in a vice grip; the ibuprofen had done nothing to abate the pain. I told my husband that I thought maybe we should go to the ER to have it checked out and then paced the room crying trying to figure out if I really had to go to such extremes. Of course, Mark thought so and off we went.

In triage they took my blood pressure and an EKG (both were not very pretty) and then they admitted me to the ER. There the nurse took some blood (to check for enzymes) and proceeded with treatment. She informed us that the fastest way to eliminate cardiac pain was to use nitroglycerin. It sounded good; I was ready after 3+ hours to get some relief. She put the nitro under my tongue, explained that I would experience a head rush and a slight headache for a couple of minutes and left the room. After 2 or 3 minutes the tiny pill dissolved and I went from zero pain in my head to the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I was writhing in pain on the gurney, holding my head and sobbing. Poor Mark was doing a dance mid-door frame, trying to get someone's attention in the hallway and trying to keep watch over me at the same time. (almost funny) The nurse returned and noticed that my blood pressure had shot to 240 over 214 and that my heart rate had gone through the roof, quite the opposite reaction a person is supposed to have. Mark and I thought to ourselves that I must be quite a wimp, but after I told the nurse my thoughts, she said, "Trust me, your body responded to the pain in a dramatic way. It was quite severe to get that type of reaction." Yay, I'm not a wimp! The nurse went and got the main doc on the floor and he gently informed me that we would be doing that again - two more times. Sweet man! The nurse watched over me and twice more I went through the most shocking pain that within minutes would be gone. By the third nitro I did not have any chest, arm or back pain, but the Dr. quickly admitted me to the Cardiac Unit for tests and observation.

Thus began my pin cushion, fasting stay in what I'm sure will be an expensive "luxury lock down." I was hooked up to oxygen, a continuous EKG machine, and two IV's (after 16 pokes). I had one meal in 36 hours so I could take a few tests that required an empty stomach. I do not recommend a Cardiac Unit diet, although 5 pounds lighter, it did work!

I do, however, recommend everyone get a CAT Scan. That was the toastiest test I've ever experienced! The technician said right before injecting the iodine, "Ok now, you will feel a warm sensation all over your body. This will include your bladder where you will feel like you wet yourself or that you will want to...it's not true. You'll be fine, just warm. The sensation will go away after a minute or two." Interesting! He injects the dye and here are the thoughts that went through my head, "Oh, my eyeballs are toasty from the inside...cool. Oh, my mouth...my throat, wow! Oh, he's right I do have that sensation...this is neat. Oh, my toes...I LOVE this!" Crazy woman!!

I also recommend, without cause, that everyone get an echocardiogram where you can watch a sonogram of your own beating heart. The contrasts used to show the blood flow were cool and I was just amazed at watching my own body at work. I wonder why God didn't give me talent in math and science; I have such a morbid curiosity about all things anatomy. I would have probably been dangerous! Ha!

I was released Thursday night and am now taking 3 medications. My blood pressure is now better controlled and I go in on Monday to see the Cardiologist for a 3 hour appointment/stress test. Sounds like fun! Not!

After my hospital stay I went right into registration responsibilities for American Heritage Girls. Between Friday morning and Sunday morning I was either sleeping or doing registration work. By the time I got to church on Sunday I realized that I hadn't "processed" any of the week's events. Mark had saved me a seat in church while I checked our girls into their classes so when I joined him, worship had already begun. I started to sing and then just broke into raking sobs thinking, "I'm so glad to be here!" I then immediately thought, "Yeah, 'cause worship in heaven wouldn't be that great." (yes, I'm very sarcastic in my own head.) Continued thoughts..."Well, I mean, I'm glad to not be in the hospital and in church this morning." (the "tomorrow is another day" psychotic tool used to think about grave issues.) Then I thought about a distant family member who told me this summer that my birth father had had his 1st heart attack in his 30's. I thought, "What a gift." Had I not had that information, I don't know if I would have actually gone to the hospital. I have a very hectic year ahead of me and I feel like the Lord put this "intervention" into place so that I'd be on medication that would help me survive the pace/stress. Doesn't mean I still don't have to do my part to eat healthfully and exercise, but I can have a better chance of survival while I work on it, than I did before.

In the end, I was diagnosed with a "cardiac event." That means there was no tissue death (attack), just stress or injury to the heart. It was an early warning sign and now something I can keep my eye on to, hopefully, live a long full life. Much like the caring Dr.'s on the show ER, I was well taken care of and had a satisfying end to the story.

Just like many who have medical scares, I treasure my family just a little bit more. We don't know the Lord's timing in our lives so we need to make the best of each & every day!

"war" wounds - they were blowing through my tiny veins.

(I don't have needle phobia so it was more cool than creepy to me.)

What did you do today?

What did I do today? Thanks for asking...

I ate oatmeal for breakfast.
I checked my work email and sent in my time sheet.
I exercised with my two little girls to a Leslie Sansone video...always fun.
I had my devotions and prayer time.
I had an appointment with my co-op leader at an area church and picked out a huge pile of books to go through for children's choir music.
I ate a late lunch with my daughter at the restaurant where she works after her shift ended.
I colored a page in a My Little Pony coloring book with my little girls.
I played a silly game with my girls.
I rested on the living room floor for a few minutes.
I checked my home email, rescheduled a dentist appointment, checked phone messages.
I created an evite with my son for his birthday party.
I pulled out leftovers, got everyone dinner, and put them back into the fridge.
I loaded the dishwasher.
I spent about three hours organizing American Heritage Girls' registration papers.
I listened to praise music (and Flamenco) on my Zune and I posted on two blogs.

Not too bad for a Monday...

Enjoy the journey

Can you believe it's August already? Part of me is so happy to be on the downward slope of hot and humid weather; the other part of me can't believe how quickly the summer has gone. It always speeds by quickly so I should get over being surprised.

My life is starting to ramp up, so to speak. I am working at my church on Sunday nights for 4 hours and then have to find 3 other hours during the week to make contact with volunteers for scheduling and training. It's been quiet during the summertime, but we're getting ready for Awanas and the work load is increasing.

I have also taken on the job of registration for our American Heritage Girls troop. We have A LOT of families...still don't have a clear number in mind so I don't want to exaggerate, but the paperwork for our troop is heavy. I have already spent about 12 hours just getting it organized and I probably have another 20 hours to go before I'm ready for the big carnival on August 22nd.

Plus, (do you think I'm crazy yet...no? wait for it...) my kids and I are participating in a co-op this year, every Thursday morning. I will be leading the 1st - 3rd grade choir (36 students) and the 7th & up Handbell choir (3 students so far, so I have to ring bells, as well - so we can play 4 & 6 part pieces.) I played handbells throughout college, but that was a loooong time ago. This music business will be a stretch for me, but as I told my family, "hopefully what I lack in knowledge will be made up in enthusiasm." Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself.

I'm also still organizing our church library on Tuesday afternoons and yes, still homeschooling.

I was whining to my husband about doing errands in the pouring rain yesterday. When I said, "I hate errands!" He quipped, "and laundry, cooking, cleaning." (Big grin!) Uh-huh. Would I be any happier if I had a maid? Maybe, a little. I try to find joy in the midst of doing the housework, but I am no domestic goddess. I do it well enough for me and my family, which is a far cry from the perfectionistic standards I held to during my twenties. I certainly wasn't any happier with a cleaner house and neither was my family. I figure that when they're all out of my house (in 12+ more years) I can go back to grout and baseboards if I so desire.

Isn't it interesting how just a little pun (and Mark meant nothing mean by what he said) can reveal your own spirit to you. I don't want my kids to think I hate everything I do around the house. I know they dread Fridays - cleaning day, so I think I have some attitude work to do.

Today I called three long-distance family members while I was ironing (have to take my mind off of that task any way I can...that's not going to change), but I enjoyed it. The time was filled with laughter and good stories. I cooked up a storm last night for our family and two of Ashley's college friends. Do I really enjoy cooking? No, not really. Do I enjoy good company around the table sharing a tasty meal? That, I love! So...maybe I'll try to use August, one of my busiest months, to try to enjoy the process of everything I do or at least, not vocalize my displeasure. We'll see if that makes for a happier home. Bound to do so, I think.

As my pastor would say, "Not a sermon, just a thought."